Still alive but decidedly introspective.

[amethyst73]

Fear not, I am still here. I am merely frighteningly busy, between working on The Guest List for The Memorial Service and other such matters in the morning and some evenings, and trying to pack in a whole lotta work during the day between now and when I take my next trip to Boston in May.  Oh yah, and there's this recital thing too.  (And my choir director is stuck in South Africa, waiting for British Airways to be able to fly through Heathrow again.  My life is EASY compared to that.)

I think I might have gone through most of my social circles at this point (finally).  I don't mind so much talking about Mom's death, it just gets kind of exhausting after a while.

I didn't think finishing the book that I started while I was in Boston right after she died would make me cry.  It's a sort of marker, a reminder that it all happened.  (And Tigana is still a very good read on its own merits.  Even though the last sentence screams "Sequel!!!!" and Kay has never written one.)

Sometime I suppose it will quit feeling weird to call my father on weekends, as opposed to briefly saying hi as part of a longer conversation with Mom.

Sometime Easter season won't feel just plain weird.  We'll see when it gets to Pentecost whether it's Easter-specific or church in general.

Sometime it will hit me - really hit me - that she's gone.  I 'spect that'll happen right after the aforementioned Memorial Service, which I'm in charge of.  Once that project is done, I'll have much less "stuff" to do that''s related to her death but so full of fiddly details that I am buffered from emotional thought.

Right.  That must mean it's bedtime.

Comments

[meepodeekin.livejournal.com]

I still have the last priority mail box I received from my aunt right before she passed away. It's a useless, decrepit cardboard box, but it's the very last thing I have in her handwriting and it's been 10 years and I have tried several times to throw it out but I can't. So I think your reaction to the book is completely reasonable, and normal (well ok, I'm not on speaking terms with normal, but not totally crazy anyway). Same for the Easter/church reaction.

I've been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing the past few weeks. I'm glad you're still hanging on. Let me know if there is anything I can do, or if you just need someone to listen.

[amethyst73.livejournal.com]

Definitely still hanging on. Thanks very much for your offer! (Hugs are always good...)

[meepodeekin.livejournal.com]

Hugs, while sadly only virtual, are always available.