Back home.
Jun. 19th, 2010 07:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amethyst73We went to Belmont last week. It was, despite my multitudinous sources of anxiety about the trip, really just fine. The memorial service went off without a hitch - though there was one awkward moment about half an hour before the service when the minister asked me where Mom's ashes were. While being late for her own memorial service would have been absolutely typical of my mother, it didn't happen; the funeral home rep found me ten minutes later and let me know that all was well. (For the curious, if the ashes hadn't arrived in time, there would have been just a reasonable-size box under the pall on the column up front. The intentions would not have changed, and everything would have gone forward as planned.)
The service was really nice. The choir (26 at final count) sang "How lovely is thy dwelling-place" from the Brahms requiem, and "In Paradisum" from the Fauré requiem. Both chestnuts, yes, but chestnuts that Mom honestly liked. And the choir did a fantastic job; an organist/choral conductor friend of ours in the congregation remarked on how good they sounded, and he was right. (Ah, to have a choir that size and that capable! I'll just have to make absolutely sure I'm part of it next time we're in town for Christmas eve.)
The minister, Joe Robinson, was one of Mom's favorite people. I'll always know that I made absolutely the right decision to insist that he visit her before we gave the okay for her oxygen mask to be removed; when Lang and I each came into her room that last morning, she opened her eyes for maybe half a second, clearly recognized us, and closed them again in relief that we were there beside her. When Joe came in, her eyes opened amazingly wide for ~2 whole seconds, and she physically reached for him. It was therefore really special to us that he led the service and gave the homily. He did a lovely job of tying together the texts not just from the readings and hymns, but also bringing in ideas from the various eulogies that had been delivered that morning - none of which he'd known the contents of till just a few minutes before.
The catered luncheon was tasty! I'm dead certain that I paid for more people than actually showed up, but it's hard to know what to tell the caterer when you have a confirmed list of ~100 people and have been told that 40-50 random congregation members will generally show up to any given memorial service. *shrug* So the church soup kitchen got a sizeable donation of turkey avocado wraps, hummus and roasted eggplant on foccacia, strawberry spinach salad, and asparagus on couscous. I'm kind of thinking we ate most of the (very tasty) desserts. :) One lovely surprise at the luncheon was that the caterer had asked me over email if I wanted her to get greens or something for centerpieces as decoration. I said, sure, use your best judgement. When I walked in, I was startled but completely delighted to see that the centerpieces were all pots of live herbs - dill, rosemary, sage, chives, etc. The caterer had no way of knowing that Mom loved to cook and had grown many of her own herbs for years!
The guest list was, as I expect generally happens at affairs like this, a little different from what I'd been told. A handful of people who'd originally planned to be there couldn't come for one reason or another, but we also had a few surprise guests: a friend of a friend who'd talked music on a number of occasions with my father, the two daughters of the woman who'd constructed my wedding dress (one of whom is married and has a daughter of her own - I remember playing with these young women when we were all kids together, and I hadn't seen them for years), and someone who'd been a classmate of my mother's in high school (I think Mom's younger sister must have contacted her).
Dad did astonishingly well during both the service and the reception. Reportedly he'd been quite anxious beforehand with the ongoing issue of feeling like he had to be the host and not feeling comfortable speaking to All Those People because of his aphasia. (He'd been reassured on numerous occasions by numerous different people that an announcement would be made that he had a speech problem and for people to not be worried or offended if he didn't actually speak to him. On anxiety-causing matters like this, it's - rather sadly - totally expected for him to forget reassurances from one phone call or visit to the next.) However, when he and the caregiver and care manager arrived at the church, he relaxed and started showing them around the church. And he walked around and greeted people at the service and the reception with this HUGE grin on his face. We were all pleased. He did well in terms of the amount of time he spent as well; he and his group arrived about 10:30 or so, and didn't leave till around1:30, I think. That's about max for him for any outing in terms of fatigue, so he did as well as I could have hoped for.
After virtually everyone had left and the sexton was starting to put away the chairs, Huz and I hung out much of the afternoon with a good college friend who was in town for just that day and a good friend of his. That was nice; it was lovely to be able do something for just us.
We spent a lot of that week having meals with people. Saturday, we'd gone out to my brother's place to see him and his family. Sunday noon, my father's younger sister came for lunch (we made tunafish salad). Sunday evening, we had the (quite tasty and well-prepared) banquet over at the Sheraton Commander with a total of 16 in attendance. Monday... was Monday. Tuesday lunch, my father's younger sister came for lunch again; Tuesday evening we met Huz's parents for dinner in Harvard Square. (Discoveries: Parking lots in the Square are expensive. Dad doesn't do so well in restaurants with a large menu. John Harvard's, while decently tasty, is LOUD.) Wednesday evening, we had other friends for dinner. Thursday noon Huz and I met another friend for lunch; Thursday evening my brother came for dinner, but Huz and I weren't responsible for cooking, for a change.
It's good to be home, in our own house - though I am forever grateful to S for giving us crash space in their spare bedroom while we were there. It's nice to have been able to spend the day here, with our kitties, who are all very pleased that we are once more available for lap creation. I've played some Portal, Huz beat the first dungeon in Wind Waker, we cleaned (yay for temporary decrease in household concentration of cat fur!), we've made and eaten our own dinner. Looking forward to a quiet evening and a pleasant day tomorrow. Extremely grateful that we came back on a Friday night and have two whole days instead of just one to rest and recover before getting back to normal life.
The service was really nice. The choir (26 at final count) sang "How lovely is thy dwelling-place" from the Brahms requiem, and "In Paradisum" from the Fauré requiem. Both chestnuts, yes, but chestnuts that Mom honestly liked. And the choir did a fantastic job; an organist/choral conductor friend of ours in the congregation remarked on how good they sounded, and he was right. (Ah, to have a choir that size and that capable! I'll just have to make absolutely sure I'm part of it next time we're in town for Christmas eve.)
The minister, Joe Robinson, was one of Mom's favorite people. I'll always know that I made absolutely the right decision to insist that he visit her before we gave the okay for her oxygen mask to be removed; when Lang and I each came into her room that last morning, she opened her eyes for maybe half a second, clearly recognized us, and closed them again in relief that we were there beside her. When Joe came in, her eyes opened amazingly wide for ~2 whole seconds, and she physically reached for him. It was therefore really special to us that he led the service and gave the homily. He did a lovely job of tying together the texts not just from the readings and hymns, but also bringing in ideas from the various eulogies that had been delivered that morning - none of which he'd known the contents of till just a few minutes before.
The catered luncheon was tasty! I'm dead certain that I paid for more people than actually showed up, but it's hard to know what to tell the caterer when you have a confirmed list of ~100 people and have been told that 40-50 random congregation members will generally show up to any given memorial service. *shrug* So the church soup kitchen got a sizeable donation of turkey avocado wraps, hummus and roasted eggplant on foccacia, strawberry spinach salad, and asparagus on couscous. I'm kind of thinking we ate most of the (very tasty) desserts. :) One lovely surprise at the luncheon was that the caterer had asked me over email if I wanted her to get greens or something for centerpieces as decoration. I said, sure, use your best judgement. When I walked in, I was startled but completely delighted to see that the centerpieces were all pots of live herbs - dill, rosemary, sage, chives, etc. The caterer had no way of knowing that Mom loved to cook and had grown many of her own herbs for years!
The guest list was, as I expect generally happens at affairs like this, a little different from what I'd been told. A handful of people who'd originally planned to be there couldn't come for one reason or another, but we also had a few surprise guests: a friend of a friend who'd talked music on a number of occasions with my father, the two daughters of the woman who'd constructed my wedding dress (one of whom is married and has a daughter of her own - I remember playing with these young women when we were all kids together, and I hadn't seen them for years), and someone who'd been a classmate of my mother's in high school (I think Mom's younger sister must have contacted her).
Dad did astonishingly well during both the service and the reception. Reportedly he'd been quite anxious beforehand with the ongoing issue of feeling like he had to be the host and not feeling comfortable speaking to All Those People because of his aphasia. (He'd been reassured on numerous occasions by numerous different people that an announcement would be made that he had a speech problem and for people to not be worried or offended if he didn't actually speak to him. On anxiety-causing matters like this, it's - rather sadly - totally expected for him to forget reassurances from one phone call or visit to the next.) However, when he and the caregiver and care manager arrived at the church, he relaxed and started showing them around the church. And he walked around and greeted people at the service and the reception with this HUGE grin on his face. We were all pleased. He did well in terms of the amount of time he spent as well; he and his group arrived about 10:30 or so, and didn't leave till around1:30, I think. That's about max for him for any outing in terms of fatigue, so he did as well as I could have hoped for.
After virtually everyone had left and the sexton was starting to put away the chairs, Huz and I hung out much of the afternoon with a good college friend who was in town for just that day and a good friend of his. That was nice; it was lovely to be able do something for just us.
We spent a lot of that week having meals with people. Saturday, we'd gone out to my brother's place to see him and his family. Sunday noon, my father's younger sister came for lunch (we made tunafish salad). Sunday evening, we had the (quite tasty and well-prepared) banquet over at the Sheraton Commander with a total of 16 in attendance. Monday... was Monday. Tuesday lunch, my father's younger sister came for lunch again; Tuesday evening we met Huz's parents for dinner in Harvard Square. (Discoveries: Parking lots in the Square are expensive. Dad doesn't do so well in restaurants with a large menu. John Harvard's, while decently tasty, is LOUD.) Wednesday evening, we had other friends for dinner. Thursday noon Huz and I met another friend for lunch; Thursday evening my brother came for dinner, but Huz and I weren't responsible for cooking, for a change.
It's good to be home, in our own house - though I am forever grateful to S for giving us crash space in their spare bedroom while we were there. It's nice to have been able to spend the day here, with our kitties, who are all very pleased that we are once more available for lap creation. I've played some Portal, Huz beat the first dungeon in Wind Waker, we cleaned (yay for temporary decrease in household concentration of cat fur!), we've made and eaten our own dinner. Looking forward to a quiet evening and a pleasant day tomorrow. Extremely grateful that we came back on a Friday night and have two whole days instead of just one to rest and recover before getting back to normal life.
